🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and milestones, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that an online journalist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the Italian striker popped into a local college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|